this really cute customer came in today and i asked him how he was paying and he said ‘hasta la visa baby’ and then he blushed and cleared his throat and was like ‘um.. visa please’ and i kinda wanna marry him
Once you start dating someone its like, impossible to insult them
"suck my dick" ok
“bite me” hell yeah
"kiss my ass" sure
"Fuck you" well if you insist.
"my mother was right about you, you’re pathetic, you’ve got no job, and you’ve got no future" if you insist
i’m gonna start a band called Various Artists so i can screw with everyones itunes library
If one of my favorite singers crowd surfed at a concert I would just carry them away to my house
wish i was kissing you instead of thinking about you
if u are scared or worried or stressed please just remember that even if you mess up super badly, doggies on the street will still tug on their owners when u walk by because they wanna say hello to u so badlyThis is legitimately comforting.