we-are-the-lonely-ones:

this was relevant when I was in 6th grade and it’s still relevant in college 
laughhard:

I live in a conservative/unfunny town, so this type of thing is almost unheard of
873
wannajoke:

Thank you for your interest in our company, your resume is currently under review

lukehemmingssmut:

this really cute customer came in today and i asked him how he was paying and he said ‘hasta la visa baby’ and then he blushed and cleared his throat and was like ‘um.. visa please’ and i kinda wanna marry him

dialupmodem:

frillyknickersxo:

vspanther:

shrimpfur:

Once you start dating someone its like, impossible to insult them

"suck my dick" ok

“bite me” hell yeah

"kiss my ass" sure

"Fuck you" well if you insist.

"my mother was right about you, you’re pathetic, you’ve got no job, and you’ve got no future" if you insist

poochcrew:

Shhh the baby is sleeping

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

i’m gonna start a band called Various Artists so i can screw with everyones itunes library

ernbarassing:

If one of my favorite singers crowd surfed at a concert I would just carry them away to my house

beefmilk2:

wish i was kissing you instead of thinking about you

just-uta-things:

tattooed-disappointment:

angry-slowpoke:

Guess what I got at the thrift store

is it a number 2? use that shit on every scantronevery time someones like "please take out your number 2 pencil"take it out and scream
“ME HOY MENOY”

ME HOY MENOY
mypocketshurt90:

it started out with the sits how did it end up like this

noirbettie:

dandehaane:

if u are scared or worried or stressed please just remember that even if you mess up super badly, doggies on the street will still tug on their owners when u walk by because they wanna say hello to u so badly

This is legitimately comforting.